The Scroobious Guide to Switzerland
(An erratic overview by a partial* and undereducated observer.)
Grueziwohl mitenand!
("Polite greetings to all of you.")
Switzerland is a very peculiar country. Don't let anyone tell you different. After eight years of exposure to a (half) Swiss personality, plus repeated visits to his home country (and family), I can say with absolute certitude that these Swiss are crazy**.
As evidence, I give you the following:
Every adult male, as you probably know, has to do military service*** - first for six months at age 18, then for a few weeks every year, as a refresher. Men are expected to be ready for service at any moment, should the Austrians invade, or whatever. The countryside is dotted with bunkers and the Swiss army is famous for important things like knives, and chocolate rations. This is familiar stuff. What you probably don't know is that, as a natural adjunct to this militia principle, every adult male is in possession of an army-issued machine gun, and ammunition.
In any other country, it would be news if a lunatic didn't run amok with these government-issued weapons. Right?
I give you this just as a little background colour. The rest of the guide to be published in daily instalments. Come back tomorrow for the Scroobious Guide to Swiss language.
_____
* As in biased. Not as in incomplete. I am still an entire Scrivener.
** Then again, I'm increasingly inclined to side with Obelix in the belief that "these [insert nationality here] are crazy". Anyone you care to name. Madder than cut snakes, the lot of them.
*** Apparently, this is being cut down. I'm a bit vague on details, but the essence of my report is purest truth, I assure you.
7 comments:
Actually, I did not know about the required military service. And here I was complaining about having to register with Selective Service at 16.
A machine gun WITH ammunition? (If you run low, do they ship more?) This is fascinating. And it does explain why Austria hasn't yet annexed Switzerland.
I look forward to the rest of the guide!
The weaponry is apparently supplied in a sealed box. If it's not sealed when you return for your annual duty, questions will be asked (and no doubt There Will Be Consequences). But by then, the dead are dead, not so?
Now, while all I've personally been told about is the machine guns, note the BBC sidebar (linked): the parliamentary lunatic was carrying an assault rifle, handgun and grenades - ALL, apparently, "standard-issue weapons Swiss nationals have to keep".
Another anecdote. A South African friend was once at a Swiss train station at the same time as a group of Swiss soldiers. He was appalled to see them casually lean their guns against a wall as they wandered off to get their tickets. Of course, when he sputtered about the foolishness of this, he was asked: Why would anyone take them, since they all have their own at home?
I recently mentioned this to my Italian friend, who regularly spends time at her husband's third home in the Swiss Alps (very lucky friend, yes). She also was unaware of the guns-under-the-bed scenario and is now utterly terrified of her mountain neighbours. "They're all mad!" she told me. Well, quite, they are. But if they haven't brandished their guns yet, chances are they won't. That's the mad part. It's a special kind of Swiss mad.
Hmm. I'm thinking how cool it would be to have a machine gun and grenades. Government issue? Icing on the proverbial cake.
Welcome back! Sooo, what's the deadline on revealing secrets? Your faithful readers are dyeeeing here, of curiosity (or this one is, at least :>).
Dear everymoment, they say patience is a virtue, and virtue is its own reward. However, your patience in this matter will be rewarded with revelations in approximately two weeks. Godlings willing, etc.
Jam, it may sound cool, but how would you feel about *everyone* having a machine gun? Including your creepy neighbour, you know, really quiet, always keeps to himself... or for that matter, the monkey?
I see Cool as a state of mind. Hence the "coolness" of machine gun and grenade possession would dissipate in the warm embrace of reality and/or responsibility.
I got to admit, I really like the Swiss. Nice people, kind, thoughtful, considerate. At least the ones I've known.
Oh, don't forget the cuckoo clock...
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