Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random. Show all posts

Saturday, October 31, 2009

It's the baby hormones, they make a person sensitive

I just want to know: has the entire internet been taken over by ads for "1 Rule to a Flat Stomach", or just my corner of it?

Srsly. Practically every page I visit has some variation on the same ad. In these days of Google Adsense, it's hard not to take this personally.

ETA: Wow. Apparently ads really are targeted now based on recent pages wot I have visited, and such, and so this really must be personal. I am feeling somewhat harassed. Also: okay so I'm a new mommy and so have flabbage, but what part of my internet activity makes them believe I am actually going to believe I can shed twice Elfbaby's weight in stomach fat alone in a month? Unless their "1 weird rule" is "GET THEE TO A PLASTIC SURGEON, WOMAN, AND HAVE YOUR JAWS WIRED WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!"

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Now with added stupidity

Thanks to Jill for pointing me to Not Always Right, a source of great entertainment, a warm sense of familiarity and Deep Thought.* Well, maybe not so much the Deep Thought part. But this bit does tie in to something I was talking to Beloved about this morning.

See, he bought a tube of toothpaste. (How's that for an intro! You're agog to know what happens next, aren't you?) Anyway, different brand to the usual, and I took one look at it and identified it as American. For why? Because the tube features the instruction: "Squeeze tube from end." (And another line to the same effect, that I forget. I'm not going to check or photograph it, like a good blogger, because Beloved is sleeping off night shift and I'd only disturb him.) Now, I am very sorry my Yankee friends, but there is something deeply American about spelling out how to use a toothpaste tube. No? This is not exactly high technology.

I should point out that Beloved disagrees with me. He thinks this is a very sensible thing to put on the tube, because "so many people get it wrong and the tube ends up a horrible mess when it's squeezed in the middle, which is Just Wrong!" Which is all very well, but really: is it necessary to tell the consumer how not to make a mess? Can they not be left to form their own habits and have their own domestic squabbles about who is doing it right or wrong? (Did you know that there is a Right and a Wrong way to hang a toilet roll? Uh huh. I bet a comment poll would reveal that many of you agree with this in principle, but you'd differ on which way was the Only Right Way.)

So I was trying to figure out the rationale behind printing this on the tube. It strikes me as excessively patronising, but without any clear purpose. I mean, "Warning: Coffee is hot!" is also pretty damn patronising. But you know that the companies putting up those signs are doing it to cover their ass, because as seen above, people will sue. I don't really see any health and safety issues with the toothpaste tube, though. Thoughts?

_____
* But this one just makes me sad, because she is clearly disturbed.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

It... it... I...

I can't explain just why I find this so...

Um.

Well.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Things can only get better

I just realised it's the solstice today. To all down south, happy longest day! To the rest of us, yay! the worst is over! There shall be light!

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Arg.

My PC seems to be on a mission to convince me to buy a Mac. Yes yes, I'm sure there will be lots of enthusiastic support for that idea, but really I wasn't planning on buying a new computer less than three years after this one. Especially not in my present position as a pregnant freelancer. Is annoying. I could probably sort out most of the problems, with a lot of research and effort and purging and reinstalling and such, but man, I don't have time for this crap. The screen is slowly but surely flaking out. Excel is flaking out. (Sharing violations. Anyone know anything about these? Google delivers lots of results, none of which are terribly helpful.) iTunes has totally flaked out. (Thank gods for last.fm, because I can NOT work without Choons.) It's all just very annoying.

Also, it's cold and dark and miserable and my head hurts.

Also, I have to do the big Ally Pally show this week, which is a frankly terrifying prospect.

Mind you, I did get to go to Andrew&Iza's very good housewarming last night, and they had laid on ginger ale *and* Appletiser for me, which I thought was extremely cool. Thanks chaps! The desserts were also particularly fine. Mmmm lemon meringue...

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

"That's right, the dog ate the weapon"

I can't work out whether he was trying to make some kind of homophobic statement, or was overcome with repressed longing, or was just batshit crazy.

No, wait. I'm pretty sure it's the batshit crazy answer.

Burglar rubs victims with spices, sausage, runs away in underwear without his wallet.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Losing amusement value fast

Are spammers getting smarter, or are my filters getting dumber? Anybody else noticing this? It's emails, and also Movable Type comments. Hundreds of both a day.

Grrr.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Caution: spiders inside

You know when you think you know something and then years later you find out you had it all wrong? And that's really annoying and sometimes embarrassing? Well, I had one of those moments yesterday, except instead of being embarrassing it was DISGUSTING and totally FREAKED ME OUT.

It's like this.

Cape Town is home to these wonderful things called rain spiders, also frequently called baboon spiders. They are huge (like, saucer sized), ugly, common, and revolting. And harmless. So you encounter them, you deal with them, you take a really long shower and tell everyone about your gross spider experience, and that's that.

In my case, sometimes you encounter them, you get your non-arachnophobic mother to deal with them, and then you suffer while she plays practical jokes on you involving letting the spider loose again and not telling you where, because ha ha, aren't you a wimp, they're so harmless and actually quite cool.

Through bloggity chance yesterday, however, I found myself doing a little fact checking online. Huh.

Turns out, rain spiders look like this.


Which is odd, because the ones I've so frequently encountered - and been tormented with - look like this.



They are in fact baboon spiders. Which, common usage notwithstanding, are a different sort of beast entirely. And maybe not quite harmless. Not lethal... but "aggressive". They jump, people tell me. And bite. And make you sick.

Some conclusions:
1. My mother is an EVIL COW.

2. I am unusually unlucky to have always, always encountered the nastier kind of spider, while everyone else I've spoken to since discovering this confusion had the correct idea about rain spiders all along.

3. I suppose I should really be very grateful that I didn't know my mistake at those times when I was dealing with the bloody things. That time when one fell out of my trousers just as I was about to put them on, for instance, landing between me and the door. Or the time when I woke up and saw one on the ceiling directly above me, and there was no one else in the house to deal with it. Yup... just as well I didn't know then that they were aggressive, jumpy, and venomous.

PS. Beloved has been so rude as to doubt my story. He has never seen a baboon spider in Cape Town, therefore he believes my memory is at fault. He is, of course, completely wrong, and this article backs me up - baboon spiders a-plenty in Cape Town. This article also points out, casually, that outside Africa, these little treasures are known as TARANTULAS.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Creativity in unexpected places

I love spam. I may have mentioned this before. I hate spammers, especially those that "borrow" my email address to send their odious missives, but I am enormously entertained by spam itself. Spam is FUNNY. And it's getting funnier. I seem to be getting an awful lot of subject lines that combine two completely different attention triggers: (1) straight news (or the impression of same), and (2) hot chicks (famous if possible). Thus, today alone:
"Hot White Chick Dies in Tsunami" (which, to be fair, is a more honest version of a hell of a lot of natural disaster news coverage)
and
"Old Man Dies Inside Paris Hilton"

Funny! Right? Right?

Sunday, May 25, 2008

The difference between boys and girls...

...is that this can be marketed as a stress ball. Observe.



How can this not be a CAUSE of stress? IT'S DISGUSTING!

In a curiously compulsive way.

ETA: If you want one of these for yourself, they can apparently be acquired here. Googled with the impressively straightforward "stress balls gross". Thanks bumpycat!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Science, a force for good!

I do love to see brainpower applied to making the world a better place. And what better way than through ice cream therapy?

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Observations

1. Running at 8.30am is much nicer than running at 11.30am.
2. Except for the hordes of schoolboys.
3. Some of whom appear to think I'm quite fit. That's really funny, for any sense of the word "fit".
4. I have almost three weeks of almost free (as in, not subbing, mostly) time ahead of me.
5. I have A Lot of things I want to accomplish in these three weeks.
6. I'm off to a slow start.
7. I'm starting to wonder whether books like 7 Habits of Highly Annoying People might actually have something to teach me.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Camera dump

Sometimes I forget that the point of taking pictures is to actually remove them from camera and look at them.

In town on my birthday:
A flock of pigeons in Leicester Square. Sort of. They were actually folded leaflets promoting some or other Chinese festival. Very beautiful in that setting.


Alien landing in Wardour Street?


Jemima quite liked this basket of yarn stash. So much that she tipped it over for improved cave access.


Awwww. I don't know how I got this effect. No idea. (It was the camera, not Photoshop, and it wasn't on purpose.)

The great thing about moving 5 minutes down the road is that we're now 5 minutes closer to Osterley Park. Which means my 25 minute run can now take in a little bit of almost countryside.


Friday, May 02, 2008

Parcelforce just almost made me cry...

...from which we can deduce two things.

1. The world still turns, gravity is still operational, chocolate is still fattening and Parcelforce is still The Devil.

2. I am either premenstrual or getting a cold. Possibly both.

Meanwhile, in a part of the internet that I love very, very much, bad things are happening. Which is making trouble for the incredibly cool people who made this incredibly cool site, and is sullying the incredible coolness. (Not an awful lot. Just a bit. But still.) Which also makes me want to cry, a bit, although I am not personally involved in the spat. (Although I could be if I wanted to, and do have very strong opinions on the matter.)

I think I need to go and get me some hot chocolate and other adiposity enhancers. It's the only way.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Saturday, March 22, 2008

When the internet's away...

...this is some of what Scroobious has been doing (in no particular order):

1. Unpacking
2. Going to Ikea
3. Unpacking
4. Going to Ikea
5. Going to Warren Evans
6. Unpacking
7. Going to John Lewis
8. Unpacking
9. Taking deliveries
10. Taking more deliveries
11. Playing with her robot*
12. Still unpacking, DEAR LORD WILL IT NEVER END.
13. Trying to figure out the heating.
14. Battling The Devil.**
15. Feeling astonishingly grown up at having bought a bed and a sofa, both for pretty much the first time in my life.***
16. Loving my new space.
17. Wishing the furnishings for the new space were coming together just a leeeetle bit faster.
18. Tripping over boxes, both full and empty.
19. Assembling furniture. I built my own desk! And some other stuff. Yay furniture assembly! It is FUN.
20. Really, really, really missing the internet.
21. Constantly thinking "Oh, I must blog that when our broadband is up."
22. Completely forgetting what it was I meant to blog.
23. Buying ART! How grown-up is that!
24. Being chided for leaving "that hedge stuff" up on the blog for so long without new content, asifihadanychoice. Didn't anybody like the hedges? I liked the hedges. Oh well. No accounting for tastes.
25. Rediscovering Helene Hanff, who floated to the top of the to-be-unpacked boxes and trapped me on the couch for a few delicious hours.
26. Um... some other stuff. Probably. I forget.

__________
* Yes it's safe for work. *rolls eyes* ...Oh god I just looked at that site a bit more than I usually do. My robot is cousin to military robots. Suddenly I don't like it as much. But, okay. It doesn't deliver bombs, it disarms them. All right. That's better. Um. Hm.
** As regular readers will know, that would be Parcelforce.
*** I am not counting the random acquisition of furniture being offloaded by other people and adopted by me on an "all right then, have a few pennies for it" basis. This is real purchasing, of the proper choosing from a range of options variety.

I LOVE YOU, INTERNET!

*sniff*
Don't ever leave me again.

Who else would give me things like this?

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Hedges: without them, we'd be no better than the damn French (and plus they'd beat us up)

[More from Estates Gazette, 1884]

The British hedgerow is a national institution. Without it, or its equivalent in stonewall countries, an English landscape might, for any difference striking enough to catch the passing eye, be a Belgian or a French one. The peculiar golden green of flax crops, the snowy expanses of beck wheat, and the red broad veins of the tobacco leaf may occur, it is true, less often, or not at all, in English acres to diversify the agricultural outlook from a railway car. But these are details. Whereas the presence of hedgerows trailing one after another past the carriage windows is full, to the Englishman returning from his travels, of wakening reminiscences of home-life in England, nowhere else. The national idea of comfort and secluded cosiness as the equivalent for happiness has been traced from time to time to many things, but a philosophic mind should see no difficulty in digging up the roots of the national sentiment from the bottom of the quick-set hedges that shelter each homestead from blasting winds and peering strangers.

Take an English cottage, with its little garden surrounded by an hedge, a cornfield on one side surrounded by a hedge, a pasture on the other surrounded by a hedge, an orchard at the back surrounded by a hedge, and a highway in front hedged in on both sides, and we have ample ground for supposing that cosiness, homeliness, and all the domestic virtues could not fail to take root and flourish in such a pot. Take away the hedges, and we have only a solitary cottage standing prominently out to the public gaze in a wide plain by the side of a public road. At once we can understand how the inhabitants of such a homestead, feeling that their every action is more or less performed in public, that their houses can be criticised from roof to basement by each curious passerby, and here at once we have the ground-work of the Continental weakness for out-of-door display and showy publicity. When, further, it is remembered that the two classes of dwelling have been for ages characteristic of whole countries, we can imagine how the instincts thus engendered have developed into national features more marked than any other, though only a few miles of sea may separate the owners…

Another argument, too, should not be forgotten. Patriotism, it is true, is getting out of date, but a famous English general has said, and it was greatly to his credit, that no invading army, battles of Dorking and Guildford notwithstanding, could ever reach London in the face of our volunteers and our hedges. Each highway, each orchard, each potato field would have to be sown thick with corpses and ploughed deep with cannon shot before the enemy could pass. Now, just when the Channel Tunnel scheme, scotched, but not killed, is recovering strength in secret to rear its head again in public, is a bad time to speak of abolishing what, next to the seas around these islands, is the main protection of our island home.

Speaking out against the bridge and tunnel crowd

[From Estates Gazette, 1883]

We rejoice that the Channel Tunnel scheme has been rejected. The people in England would indeed be idiots to in any way injure or destroy our insular position.

Without doubt we should have been overwhelmed by the continental armies if we had not that natural fortification of that "little silver belt" round us. We should thank God for such a safeguard and let well alone.

Some highly gifted man has proposed a bridge over the channel! What next?

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Would you take driving lessons...

...from the Impact Group?

How about booking a trip with Impact Coach Hire?

Perhaps appropriately, I can't link to this very real company because Google is warning me that "this site may harm your computer".

*sigh*