Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Things I am grumpy about

1. The heating's broken again. This is very inconvenient, and also boring. Having to sleep in three layers of clothing, plus two of socks and one of handwarmers, reminds me entirely too much of my boarding school days. Seriously, universe, cut it out. Make Boiler Go. (Make Plumber Work.)

2. I don't seem to be getting much done. This is a problem, and also depressing, as I have absolutely no excuse other than being useless. And, maybe, too cold to work properly. (You think temperature shouldn't affect productivity? Fine, you just carry on thinking that.)

3. We are completely and utterly failing to find a nice big house to live in. Househunting is tiresome, and yet another thing interfering with my productivity. It seems that, for our budget, we should be able to get what we want in the area we want. There just isn't much on the market. (Note to landladies: please don't tell your tenants the place is "beautiful" while you show it to them. Allow them to decide that for themselves. Otherwise you will end up feeling insulted when they are forced to explain that they'd rather pluck out their own eyeballs than live with your choice of furnishings and decor, and nobody wants that.)

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Net nog 'n kwaa-ai Maandag

One for the South Africans, this. Eighties pop translated into Afrikaans is funny. It just is.

"Pomp op konfyt, pomp dit op, laat jou voete stomp... kyk daar voor, die mense spring!"

"En nog een byt die stof. En nog een byt die stof. Nog een's weg, en nog een's weg... Nog een byt die stof. Hei - ek gaan jou ook kry! Nog een byt die stof!"

See?

But it gets even better if you allow yourself a little latitude.

"Ek's net a naaimasjien" is so much funnier than "Ek's net a liefde masjien", for obvious reasons.

Or how about "Hy's nie swaar nie, hy's my swaer."

Now you go.

(Oh go on, do. Here I am, piles of work, the heating's broken again and there's no chocolate in the house... I could really use the entertainment.)

Channel Tunnel: the steampunk version

[Originally published in Builder magazine; republished in Estates Gazette on 2 May 1870]

Mr Thomas Page, EC, has read a paper to the Society of Arts on his plan for a submarine tunnel across the British Channel.

He proposes to sink, between Dover or the South Foreland and Cape Gris-enz (17 3/4 nautical miles), eight conical wrought iron shafts, the longest about the height of Westminster Abbey towers; these shafts to be two miles apart, and consisting of an inner and an outer casing, the space between to be filled in with concrete after they are sunk and fixed or imbedded, and embanked also round with concrete to a height of 30 ft. on a base of 45 ft. all round. A network of moored chain cables would also help to secure them. Lighthouses would be placed on the tops of these shafts, at a height of 180 ft. above low-water mark.

"The shafts being in place, the bed of the sea would be brought to a fair surface by the operation of divers, who would be enabled to work without pressure on their lungs or their bodies; but into the particulars of this system (said Mr Page), I do not wish to enter, as it is a special arrangement for such purposes of operating in deep water.

"The next operation is that of sinking and bedding on the bed of the Channel, the tubes or construction for the railway. These may be for a single line or a double line. I will refer to the double line at present, and then describe a tube, the joint of which is patented by Mr. Williams, of Liverpool, by means of which the tube, moving on circular joints, can take an elastic position, and all the junctions can be made above the surface of the water, while the remainder of the tube is bedded in the sea.

"The space between the shafts being divided into lengths, say of a quarter of a mile each, and heavy iron frames fixed in the bed of the Channel by the divers, the lengths of tubular sections which I would proposeto submerge at one time are 1/4 mile, 1,320 ft, a little more than the length of Waterloo Bridge. Eight of these lengths being sunk, and covered, complete the distance of two miles, and if a sufficient power and a sufficient number of operators were provided to commence from each shaft, the whole between two shafts would be done in half the time; and it is equally certain also that nine times the power and operators would complete the whole distance between Dover and Cape Gris-nez in the same time as would be required for joining two shafts.

"The gigantic nature of the work and the magnitude of its details require corresponding means of execution, both in the steamships and other vessels, for placing the shafts in position, and for embedding the lengths of tube in their proper places in the bed of the Channel, as well as for all the operations for filling the spaces between the outer and inner rings of the shafts with concrete, in forming the banks of concrete round the shafts, and in covering with concrete the submerged tubes immediately they are placed in position. It is by an excess of power and means, in steamships and other vessels, in operators, and in materials for forming concrete, that the progress and completion of the work can be accomplished with rapidity and economy. Thus to cover a length of tubular section a quarter of mile long, in two hours of the tide, would require 1,500 men; to fill the space between the rings of each conical shaft would require 500 men for two hours' work; and to form the bank of concrete round each shaft would require 350 men for the same time."

The cost seems to have been estimated at £8,000,000; or rather Mr Page's plan was devised on an understanding with Mr Newman, of the firm of Freshfield and Newman, that if he could stake his professional reputation on a plan that could be completed for £8,000,000, there would be no difficulty in providing the funds for its execution.

In the discussion which followed the reading of the paper, opinions were expressed pro and con as to the practicability of the scheme. Mr Brassey was among the speakers. He said that so far as he had been able to understand the project, it was one of such a gigantic and exceptional character as he had never before heard propounded. No engineer had ever attempted anything of the kind, and he very much doubted whether it would succeed; his impression was that it would not. He did not think it was possible to sink the tube, as was proposed, to the depth of some 200ft by any means yet known; and to attempt to do a thing so gigantic without greater experience would be a very hazardous experiment, to say the least of it. He agreed with Mr Bateman (who had previously spoken) that it was impossible for divers to work at a depth of 200ft. Therefore, with no experience to guide them, he thought it was a bold matter to attempt to execute such a project, and no wise man would attempt it.

Mr Page said Mr Brassey's objection as to divers working 200ft below the sea without undue pressure upon their lungs and bodies, was very easily answered. Supposing the room in which they then were was at the bottom of the sea, and the walls were carried up above high water, would any one dispute that they could send out a diver from that room into the sea, passing through a sort of valve-cupboard into the sea, and give him only the atmospheric pressure, with perhaps a pound or so more. He had devised a dress for this purpose, by which all pressure was removed from the body. That being explained, all the difficulty about divers operating in deep water was removed. As to want of experience, all great engineering feats had been carried out without previous experience.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Technojinx humour

Tonight we launch our very so special, widely anticipated, enormously exciting and potentialistic* Yarn Department.

Tonight our server appears to be down.

Hm.


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* Now is NOT the time to wonder aloud whether I know that's not a real word, mmmkay?

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Miss manners

I do, that is. Miss people simply being nice to each other. It's not just a London thing, and it's not just a modern life thing (said the crone), but natheless I fondly hark back to times when I'm sure I didn't see quite so many scowls around me all the time, and I definitely didn't see people literally kicking or hitting out at each other over who got in whose way on the street/pavement, as I do, from time to unfortunately frequent time.

Anyway. I try to be just a little bit nice to everyone I encounter every day, as much as possible, on the principle that little things really do make a difference, and if I can make someone smile then maybe they can go on to make someone else smile and so on... well at any rate, it feels good, and it doesn't hurt.

So I love this. That's a manifesto I can sign up to.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

First hurdle. To fall or not to fall?

So of all my manymany Resolutions, the one I'm most excited about is this: Take Sundays Off.

No, really. That's a proper challenge, that is. Of course it goes hand in hand with other, more boring plans involving Proper Time Management and Discipline and all, so that I can take one day off once a week, without The Business going completely and utterly to pot. I also believe that if I know I'm going to have a whole day to myself once a week, it might be easier to knuckle down the rest of the time. And also, I do want to use that time - some of it, anyway - to do things that are Useful but not directly Work. Some of them might, arguably, become a sort of work. But never mind that right now. A whole day for knitting! Every week!

So tomorrow is the first Sunday of the new year. And while I did promise myself that I would not make this "day off" thing conditional on being up to date on my task list - because, well, who am I kidding - I none the less find myself in a bit of a bind.

This Friday, I launch The Yarn.*
On Monday, Beloved finishes photographing The Yarn.
By the time he has finished photographing The Yarn, he needs me to have done the boring technical task we call "Creating The Products". I was supposed to do this today. I'm only about 60% done.

So.

Do I:

a) spend tomorrow morning Creating The Products in a frenzy of productivity, before switching off my pc and knitting the afternoon away?**

b) take tomorrow off as per Resolution (win!), but then spend Monday morning failing to Create The Products with any kind of speed on account of constant interruptions by posties, yarn styling duties etc, so that Beloved is unable to Upload The Pictures according to schedule, thus placing the entire Yarn Launch in peril, and also preventing me from achieving the other very important tasks on Monday's list?

c) Ooh! Oddly, this one only just occurred to me - work into the wee hours tonight so that neither of the above has to happen. Thus breaking another fine Resolution ("get to bed before midnight unless I'm out having proper fun somewhere, or at least getting paid for my time"), but what the hell.

I think we have a winner.

Edit: 2am. Done. I hope. Oh, nope, gotta do that price list... 5-minute job. Then bed. Tomorrow, knittin'. Yay!

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* Over at The Shop, obviously. Not my own yarn. Other people's yarn, wot I am selling. Purty.
** For which, read: "spend tomorrow morning faffing around fretfully until I finally settle down to work just before lunchtime, stopping after half an hour for an extended lunch break, then returning to my desk to Create The Products, interrupting myself every 20 minutes or so to check blogs and Ravelry, and eventually finishing Creating The Products shortly before I have to go out to a knitting group in the evening, probably forgetting the price list for the samples I promised to bring?" Not that this is necessarily a representative description of a normal working day. Necessarily.