Get Q on this at once!

In this day and age, with so veryvery many Technological Advances, and so manymany Consumer Offerings, I cannot understand why I am unable to watch Days of our Lives.

Leaving aside the question of why I would want to watch DOOL - it is brilliant television, I promise you; don't be rude - don't you think here, in London, with digital TV and everything, it should be easily accessible? But no. It used to be on, apparently. But no more.

What I want, see, is this. I want customised TV. I want to be able to order, not just the channels, but the programmes I want. Get me DOOL! But no other soaps, please. I'll take Buffy, but not Angel. Any series HBO cares to offer. And, you know, occasionally I might try something new. Surprise me. But don't you dare deny me the essentials. DOOL. Now.

Is it any wonder I watch so many DVDs, and so little TV? Any time I switch on the telly I seem to have a choice between gardening, cooking, What Not To Wear and The Simpsons. Obviously the Simpsons will win, but when that's the only option, frankly, it palls. It palls.