Ich bin ein Hamburger

hummel
Originally uploaded by Scroobious.

...big, round and greasy.

But we're back on home turf now, away from mammoth 5-hour brunches and excessively generous Turkish restaurants, so the overfeeding should stop forthwith - indeed, it already has - and I hope to resume my regular, slightly less overstuffed shape shortish.

We went up the Michel and down the harbour; into museums and out auf der Kiez. We saw erotic art and exotic dancers*. We have blisters, postcards, and absolutely no better German than when we left.

Selected observations and hypotheses:

1) Hamburg Krauts are sauer. Except when they're gay men. Those are quite friendly and have even mastered Advanced Smiling.

2.a) Hamburgers are very concerned about their coiffures. At least, that was my assumption, after seeing a Friseur on every corner. But,

2.b) closer examination of Hamburg females on the street seems to contradict this theory. Final conclusion still pending.

3) For a media town, Hamburg is really not very stylish.

4) For a party town, Hamburg is really not that vibrant, even when the whole town is out to tanz in der Mai.

5) If I'm getting snitty about a perfectly civilised city, just because it's not as fashion-conscious or as busy as London, I have been in London way, way too long.

So let's drop the generalisations and pick out some highlights, courtesy of the Scroobious Guide to Hamburg. Gentle reader, should you be dropped off in this charming northern town one weekend, you could do worse than to try the following.

1) Have a drink at superstyling harbourfront bar Au Quai (the pics really don't do it justice). You could lie on the big cushiony-table things lining one wall, and raise an eyebrow at the passing crowd; or you could sit at the cushiony spiral thing in the corner and raise an eyebrow at the pretentious types by the wall; or you could sit out on the terrace and raise an eyebrow at the bizarrely angled warehouse/office/who-knows-what that has just been dumped in the middle of the dock. (Really. The dock. Not the dockside. The dock.)

2) Visit the Miniatur Wunderland and take a close look at the little people. The very first thing I saw was a corpse lying in the river. Other fun details are the riot outside the football stadium; the picnic raft heading over the rapids; the avalanche on the ski slope; and - no, it's not all morbid - the seven dwarfs in the mountain mines.

3) Have lunch at Turnhalle St Georg, a converted gymnasium on the Lange Reihe. Wins points for a friendly gay waiter, good food and good looks.

4) Go to the Kunsthalle and admire some of the most beautiful art in the world, beautifully presented. Then go to the Erotic Art Museum and shake your head over a good concept, atrociously presented.

5) Wander along the harbour. Go on ships. Stuff. My feet hurt too much at this point for me to be concentrating on my duty as a tourist.

Also. Hummel-hummel.

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* Not really. We did go past the sleazy clubs, but not into them. Sorry.