On greed
When I left SA, I offloaded most of my worldly goods. This included a large number of books, many of which I'd never quite gotten round to reading, and some yarn, and even a bunch of fabric and sewing supplies. Which is sort of funny, since I hate sewing. So I came to the UK fairly unburdened with possessions, and while I did (and do) suffer the occasional twinge of regret for something I once had and loved (or, um, thought I might love if I ever got round to reading it), by and large I liked this state of affairs.
This state of affairs has changed.
By now, I have acquired Some Books. I have in fact acquired enough books that I keep having to buy new bookcases. I have two shelves packed quite tight with books that I have not yet gotten round to reading. Some of these books were picked up almost at random for free, from work, which is sort of better (hey, no one else wanted them...) and sort of worse (I didn't need them, I wouldn't have bought them, yet I felt the need to take them home?). I have run out of space on my CD shelf quite a while ago. I have acquired enough yarn to keep me knitting for five to six years, I estimate, and that's after having offloaded a large quantity of it a couple of years ago. (I'm resisting the fabric, though, you'll be delighted to hear.)
I've written elsewhere about my ambivalence on the whole yarn stash issue, and let me just say very clearly that I do NOT feel bad about acquiring beautiful things that inspire me to make beautiful things. My yarn brings me joy, as do my books. Most of my stash at the moment is hand-dyed, so each purchase is a little connection between me and someone who is making a living by working with fibre, and I love that, I love that I am helping someone to support themselves with their hobby. I don't feel that anything I buy is redirecting needed resources away from people in need; resources don't really work like that. (Do I think, "hey, shall I give to charity or buy this yarn? Mmmm... yarn wins!" No. I do both.) I don't believe that acquiring "frivolous" things is a bad idea, necessarily, and for that matter I don't see my knitting habit as remotely frivolous. It's a creative pursuit, it fulfils me in ways I'm frankly embarrassed to talk about, it's really important to me. (Stop laughing, you at the back.) And I'm glad to have a stash of gorgeous materials at hand to inspire me. And I'm glad to have a collection of books that I love. And so on.
But it must be admitted... I do have enough. More than enough. And as much as I keep seeing more wonderful things out there that trigger my base acquisitive instincts... I don't need them. It's debatable how much I want them, given my fondness for decluttering.
So I'm posting this for two reasons. (Well, three; one of them is that it's 5am and I can't sleep. Possibly at 5pm this wouldn't seem such a hot topic.)
One, to remind myself in detail that I Have Enough. It's a good thing to remember.
And two, to add my voice to the growing multitude of gift-opter-outers. I love you all. I love giving gifts. But right now... I'm in a slightly financially tenuous position. I don't have time to go shopping. And I'm seriously lacking in the general sense of wanting to circulate more Stuff. I don't need or want anything; I can't think of anything that you need or want (that I'm in a position to give, anyway). I'd really like to celebrate the festive season with great company, a filthy amount of food, and as little Stuff as possible. And then when your birthday comes around, or when I see something that tells me it should be yours, I shall take great delight in giving you - or even making you - something special.
But the random gift exchange right now? I'm not feeling it. Let's not.
...
It occurs to me that all of this could sound pretty damn insulting to my friends. Like: "hey, I don't want anything, so clearly you don't either. And anyway I just can't be bothered to make the time to choose you a gift, because I'm, like, sooo busy and important." I hope you know that it's not like that. Right?
Oh dear ... I wonder if I'm going to come back and delete this in the morning. Or wish I had.
...
Edit: Well, extemp commented before I had a chance to delete, so that was that decision taken care of. But in light of, um, umbrage taken (quite reasonably and nicely) elsewhere, I'd like to clarify/amend as follows:
I love getting gifts. And if you have something you'd really like to give me, I will be sincerely delighted to receive it. It's also entirely possible that I'll give one or two gifts myself, out of sheer spontaneous wossname. (The likelihood of this happening to you is directly proportional to your interest in knitting.) But I am not planning to give gifts, nor expecting to receive any. I really don't want to come over all Scrooge, because I love the whole gifting tradition. It's just all a bit complicated right now, and I was hoping to simplify. Not sure I achieved that.
In fact now I think I just sound a bit greedy. (Oh, I'll take all right...)
Gosh. This whole clarification/amendment thing could go on for some time.
Edit 2: I take it back (partly): I really do want a Kissmoose present. I want for someone to crack my dvd player for me. So that I can get the later Gilmore Girls seasons on DVD and FINALLY know what happens after Rory drops out of Yale.
7 comments:
I'm beginning to feel as though I stood in the middle of a snow-encrusted mountain valley, shouted "No presents!", and am now listening uneasily to the slithering skittle of pebbles starting to fall...
I went through exactly the same process before I decided to post the request. It's a horrible dilemma, because on the one hand it is rather an enjoyable expression of friendship to exchange swag wholesale, and, as you say, it does mean you end up making the decision on behalf of other people, regardless of their wishes. I would think it's quite likely that a lot of them will be relieved, one or two will be disappointed, and possibly a couple may feel actively offended.
On the other hand, I content myself with the following thoughts:
1. I really can't afford it, and everyone knows I really can't afford it, and you're in a similar position. They're sacrificing a present for the kickback of not hearing us whinge quite so much about our levels of broke.
2. Death to clutter. Stuff is ... stuff. A lot of it is lovely, but it ends up cluttering finite homespaces, and I get twitchy.
3. Part of the Christmas thing is friendship and sharing and generosity, but part of it is also the sheer weight of consumerist expectation. Death to consumerism.
This is an extremely epic comment. Sorry!
Greatly in favour of epic comments. And you may relieve yourself of the burden of responsibility; much of this post was conceived long before your own "no thanks".
It's something in the air, I think. General anti-consumerism abounds. As much as I hate to feel so *unoriginal*, it's rather pleasant to think this might be an actual trend towards saying "enough".
As another opter-outer, I can reassure extemp that I had been strongly considering it for some time - actually, since an email weeks ago from kadekraan. If anyone is responsible, it is k, not e.
I don't think opting out even needs to be explained (though there's nothing wrong with explaining if one wants to). A gift-giving tradition that doesn't freely allow opting out is debased and essentially empty. Conversely, the freedom to opt out makes participation meaningful.
Translation: it's us opter-outers that make true giving possible for everyone else. But then I would say that :)
- egadfly
Noted. And no offense taken at all. I've been doing the Xmas gift thing on my own terms for years now, i.e. giving to those I want to, and expecting nothing in return, and trying to be as gracious as possible for those I do get (I'm a terrible recipient, generally). So, sure, I will try to honour your request, and not get you anything, but I ask for similar tolerance if I should _happen_ to find something too perfect to avoid buying. Okay?
Okay! You're good at this. ;-)
I'm actually going to have to edit my post. I think it sounds a little more snubbing than I'd intended...
Two great ways to free up shelf space: eBay and lending them to friends. If you lend a book to someone, you're practically guaranteed never to see it again.
Good point! :-) Thing is, I do regularly clear out old stuff (charity shops being my fave method). But most stuff I actually want to keep. It's just that with a lot of it still unread/un-knit etc, I don't really need *new* stuff...
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