7 things I've learned from watching hospital dramas*
1. Sexy doctors ride motorbikes.
2. Every hospital team includes one wisecracking, insensitive, immature jackass with a (well hidden) heart of gold. This jackass is probably the smartest doctor on the team, so if someone's unforgiveably rude to you when you're lying in ER, suck it up. He's going to save your life. Contrariwise, if nobody's mean to the patient, you should worry; the jackass might be having a good day, which means he's lost his edge and is about to make a fatal mistake. On you.
3. You will not get better until you have resolved your complicated family issues, so you may as well call your mom/ex/former best friend right away. Speed things up.
4. Diagnosing and/or treating a complicated ailment works on exactly the same principles as solving a crime. It can't be done without friction (possibly of the literal, sweaty kind) among colleagues, a series of red herrings, and a hefty dose of rebellion against the dictatorial boss who inevitably fails to see the truth of the jackass's way out theory (or alternatively, the need for radical experimental treatment by the underqualified interns).
5. Hospital visitors wear a lot of really great knitwear. In this they are superior to witnesses and to relatives of murder suspects. It's probably because of their increased need for comfort. Or maybe hospitals are just colder than police stations.
6a. Contrary to popular opinion, doctors do not shag nurses. They shag each other. All the time.
6b. It is theoretically possible for doctors to have romantic interests outside of work (we know this because they occasionally get divorced), but how this should actually develop is a mystery, because they never actually meet or date anyone except each other. Actually they don't really date each other either. They just shag in the supply closet.
6c. Terminally ill schoolgirls are remarkably adept at wheedling inappropriate kisses out of doctors who really should know better. Interns are smarter. They don't fall for that crap.
7. It's never lupus.
_____
* House, Grey's Anatomy and, er, Green Wing. Okay, it's not a drama, but same diffs. It's possible that ER would completely contradict every lesson here... but I doubt it.
6 comments:
7 things I've seen in medical school that might possibly have some sort of correlation to what you've learned from watching hospital dramas
1. One of my sexy classmates drives a Renault Clio.
2. Hi. Nice to meet you.
3. Mobile phones are prohibited in most hospitals. You'll be in there a while.
4. This one is almost exactly true.
5. Old ladies in home-knitted jumpers. They're everywhere. Are you here to see Dr. Smith? you'll ask them. I am Dr. Smith, she'll reply.
6a. Medical students sleep with each other like nobody else exists.
6b. Pre-clinical medical students spend 30 hours a week in lectures with other medical students, 10 hours a week in hospitals with other medical students and doctors and the other 148 hours in bars with other medical students.
Clinical phase medical students spend 10 hours a week in lectures with other medical students, 30 hours a week in hospitals with other medical students and doctors and the other 148 hours in bars with other medical students.
Junior doctors spend 70 hours a week in hospitals with medical students and junior doctors, and the other 98 hours a week in bars with medical students and junior doctors.
The only people we ever see are medical personnel.
6c. If you don't know better, be prepared to have some knowledge bestowed upon you by the long arm of the law.
7. No. But goddamn if it ain't sometimes obesity.
---X
7a. Except that one time, when it was, and no-one diagnosed it until it was too late. But we don't talk about that.
X - 2: See? I knew it.
6: That's the argument given by my friend's ex (doctor) as to why he shagged nurses: "because they're there". It all makes perfect sense, I'm just puzzled as to the televisual dynamics that eliminate nurses from all existence, and still allow for (divorcing) spouses to exist in the background.
Greg - how interesting. I'm new to this House thing, see, I missed that one. I feel so behind.
Darn. I have totally missed my chance to be a terminally ill schoolgirl and wheedle an inappropriate kiss out of my very own Dr McDreamy. What have your studies shown about most likely not at all ill (except ever so slightly in the head) just turning 30 cute and single with sassy short hair patients?
6a. In medical TV shows where the main characters are nurses and doctors, and there's shagging, there's nurse-shagging. For example, Scrubs... and ER as well, I think. Although I can't remember much shagging in ER. Perhaps I was distracted with Clooney-ogling.
kadekraan
It's all bull-honky of course. Except the part about the supply closets. Know all those reports about lack of healthcare in America? Nursing shortages? It's a lie. There are plenty of doctors & nurses - they're just all busy shagging in the supply closet. So, rather than interrupt - we just pretend we have no bandages and had to "close" due to personnell crises. It's less icky that way.
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