Miss manners
I do, that is. Miss people simply being nice to each other. It's not just a London thing, and it's not just a modern life thing (said the crone), but natheless I fondly hark back to times when I'm sure I didn't see quite so many scowls around me all the time, and I definitely didn't see people literally kicking or hitting out at each other over who got in whose way on the street/pavement, as I do, from time to unfortunately frequent time.
Anyway. I try to be just a little bit nice to everyone I encounter every day, as much as possible, on the principle that little things really do make a difference, and if I can make someone smile then maybe they can go on to make someone else smile and so on... well at any rate, it feels good, and it doesn't hurt.
So I love this. That's a manifesto I can sign up to.
6 comments:
i'll drink to that ... and to you !
I think I witnessed what I would consider to be the nadir of manners just last night. Some rushing businessman stormed past a beggar, kicking his collection tin over in the process. He slowed, looked back to see what had made the noise, realised what it was, and then promptly continued on his way, speeding up a little even, without even a token apology or raised hand of appeasement. I yelled at him as he walked off - something to the tune of "Is an apology too much for you?" - but he simply ignored me as totally as he had the beggar. It fell to another pedestrian and me to recover the tin and the spilled change for the bewildered guy.
So, yeah. Manners! *drinks*
You don't have to draw the line at Andrew's suggestions, though. Summing it all up as 'Be nice to each other' leaves scope for all sorts of rewardingly glowy acts. Wishing your checkout assistant a nice day. Moving aside when someone's trying to exit a bus/train. Looking people in the eye when they're talking to you, even when you're simply saying "No, thanks" to the charity collector in the street trying to solicit your subscription.
Personalising every human encounter, basically. It may not make the world a better place, but it surely improves your world.
I always try to smile and say "thank you" at the till. Also, I say "no thanks" to people who try to give me pamphlets, not just ignore them. It's a shitty job.
When I was still taking the train to work it was often crowded and you were lucky if you got a seat. Once an old lady got on, she had some shopping bags and walked with a stick. She stood there for 2 stops while I glared at the young men opposite me before I got up and gave her my place. I then spent the rest of the trip glaring at them, just wanting to smack them.
I might sound like an old lady now, but I find the majority of today's youth really lacking in basic manners and courtesy. It does seem to be "everybody for themselves". When someone does do something nice for someone else, it's usually an older person (like, my age :P). When did people stop teaching their kids manners? I am always slightly shocked when someone does something nice, just randomly, for me. And always very appreciative. I went for a walk with my neice in the pram the other day and I had to go down some stairs. I was struggling with the pram when a group of 3 teens walked by. One of the boys offered to help me, while his friends actually jeered at him! I said to him "thank you so much, it's wonderful to see young people with manners nowadays" and glared at his friends, who managed to look a little sheepish. Sheesh.
I agree with your "pass it on" idea: if everybody tried to make the world around them just a little bit nicer the world would be a better place. A smile costs nothing. We need some more ubuntu going around.
Just saw this on IOL:
London - A private British college is starting compulsory etiquette classes for 13- to 14-year-olds to sharpen up their demeanour in a world of ill-mannered informality, a spokesperson confirmed on Wednesday.
Brighton College on the southern English coast will drill pupils on how to iron a shirt properly, dance the waltz, when to take off a jacket or go to the toilet, who to talk to during which courses at the dinner table and other finer points of etiquette.
Headmaster Richard Cairns decided it was time his pupils were taught a few lessons in good manners after learning that employers were dismayed by the numbers of undergraduates who were not equipped for the business world.
"In the past, they would have learned all of this at home," a spokesperson for the fee-paying independent school said.
Each Thursday, pupils will be invited to dine at Cairns' house, where they will be taught how to deal with food they do not like, how to use the right cutlery and how to talk to fellow guests, among other tips.
"Each student will receive a formal invitation to which he will have to respond in a written formal manner and not by email, text message or phone," the spokesperson said.
Beautiful. Little things really do matter, and I think the world would be a happier place if people could only behave more civilly.
Tristan: thanks! That was unexpected, and pleasing. Ooh, is that like good manners then?!
Greg: quite. "Be nice to each other" does sum it up, and is my basic policy. If you read more of the linked blog you see that he is in fact going beyond his own manifesto, in exactly the sort of way you suggest. Also, wow. That's the kind of London story that makes me very grrrr.
Jo: Hm, I'm never quite sure how I feel about etiquette as opposed to manners ("who to talk to during which courses"? Huh?). But there is merit in it.
But, also... why wait for the young men to offer their seats first? Sorry, I'm not with you on that one.
Lia: glad you're with us! We shall start changing the world, one thank-you at a time... *now*!
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