Thursday, December 01, 2005

Eureka!

I think I have discovered the secret of success.

Don't sleep.

This works on so many levels. First, you get more done. Second, you lose weight. Third... um, you get more done.

Right now, though, it's the getting thinner part that has me excited. I've just realised that when I'm sleep deprived (as I have been all this week), I feel slightly nauseous all the time and hence, no appetite. Is genius! I will be thin and elegant and successful!

Do not doubt the link between thin and successful. It's perfectly obvious. Especially, but not only, for women. Thin people get better jobs, get paid more, get more opportunities. They just look more successful. And appearance, we know, is all.

So from now on, I will stay up until 2am every night. Every. Night. And do lots of useful things (or at the very least, knit in front of the TV). And I will sleepwalk through my days being grumpy and sick, therefore more aggressive and less hungry. My first million can surely not be far away.

Doesn't sound like a fun holiday, though. Tell you what: I'll start this Success Strategy after my return. Meanwhile, sun, sea and sauvignon blanc await. Sleep, too. Mmmm... sleep...

Don't expect anything more to happen around here till Christmas. Have fun without me.

3 comments:

omar said...

I tried the no sleep thing for 6 months after my kid was born. I think I got a little fatter.

ThePurpleOwl said...

Errr, Scroob? Why did reading this post feel like reading 'Bridget Jones'? And yeah, right, good luck not eating during December - isn't that usually when people *put on* weight?

This has been (a rather unkind-sounding but well-meant) Prowl service announcement.

anaglyph said...

>>First, you get more done. Second, you lose weight. Third... um, you get more done.

Fourth: you start hallucinating. Eventually. That slows things down a bit. On the other hand, it certainly makes for interesting entertainment. And it's free.