SGScot: Activities

My idea of a holiday has a strong focus on a horizontal experience (on a beach, under a duvet, I’m not fussy) and food. Beloved’s is rather more energetic. (Practically anything would be.) From what I’ve seen so far, Scotland can happily accommodate both types of visitor; but I wouldn’t count on too much lounging under the sun. And it would be a waste to stay in bed when there’s so much pretty to be enjoyed.

How to be a tourist in Scotland (select suggestions):

Take a distillery tour. Most of the whisky distilleries offer free tours and tastings, which depending on your point of view is either a great way to get a free dram, an educational experience that enriches your appreciation of the water of life, or a cunning ploy to convince visitors that your whisky is the very best in all the land and soften them up with a little free alcohol, just before letting them loose in the shop.

Go monster hunting. There are plenty of Loch Ness cruises to choose from; the shorter ones will get you out on the lake, waffle sonorously about “these mysterious depths” and point at the pretty ruined castle.



The longer ones might include a cruise down the Caledonian canal and a tour of the castle, or a trip right down the full length of the lake (it’s definitely on the large side) with optional stops. I liked the idea of going halfway, taking a bike ride** down to the southern tip, and going back up by boat again; but time was not on our side. Anyway, you won’t be able to avoid the squillions of Nessie artefacts around the place, so you might as well go through the motions of looking for her. Plus, it’s a pretty lake, and boats are fun, no?

Visit castles. Mostly that’ll be ruined castles, thanks to those pesky English, but there’s also Balmoral (when Her Britannic Majesty isn’t in residence) and, um, some other places. Whatever. Castles. Meh.

Explore the mountain wilderness. Ah yes, now we come to the primary motivation for our trip, and to the primary problem with same. Learn from our mistake, readers: Bring Waterproofs. And thermal underwear. And midge repellent. (Naturally, since we had that part covered, that was the part we didn’t need so much. On account of the midges all being drowned or blown out to sea, presumably.)

Explore the mountain wilderness on skis. Exciting! Well, so I imagine. Never having been on skis myself, I can’t say how Scottish skiing compares with Gstaad, or Zermatt, or Aspen. But I’m happy to undertake some research. All funding offers for Comparative Skiing Studies will receive serious consideration.

Go wildlife hunting. Not actual hunting, please, that would be mean. Shoot only with the cameras, yes? This can be done from the comfort of your car, or on another little boat trip (for the marine wildlife, that is; not so much the reindeer), and the list of native wildlife includes:

Reindeer
Eagles
Minke whales
Dolphin
Porpoise
Seals
etc etc.

What we actually saw:

One reindeer
Bunch of red deer
One roe deer***
Three seals
Three dolphins
Some of these****



And an awful lot of pheasant and rabbits on the road.

Literally ON the road.

I comforted myself with the inane thought that this vast amount of roadkill clearly indicated the vast amount of wildlife happily roaming through Scotland’s fields and forests, rather than large-scale destruction caused by encroaching civilisation.

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* Not that I’m knocking this. I have long ago made peace with my inner tourist, and am happy to go Tour the Sights on occasion. But generally it’s much more fun to steer clear of anywhere that involves queues, cash registers, and T-shirts with the name of the place you’re at done in the font of a corporate logo, don’t you think?
** No, really. Once you get me out of bed, I’m perfectly happy to do the active stuff. As long as it doesn’t cut into good cake time.
*** Red and roe deer identified purely by what we were told was likely to be spotted in those parts. I don’t know one from another, myself. Pretty. Bambi-like.
**** Not technically wildlife, maybe, but as cows***** go these look pretty damn wild. Dontcha think?
***** Or bulls, even.