Would it were so easy

I have in my bathroom a bottle of Shiseido Body Creator*. Who thinks up these product names? I do not want to create more body. I want less of it. I'm pretty sure that's the point; this is not directed at skinny girls wanting to beef up. Wouldn't Body Disapparator be more apt?

But then, logic is probably not regarded as essential. They are, after all, targeting women daft enough to believe that slathering a tingly lotion over their "desired areas"** is going to evaporate adiposity and smooth cellulite. Obviously. Because diet and exercise is like, so last century.

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* Vanity Fair subscription gift. I was after the Il Coloniale body cream, but I never get the good stuff [pout].
** Desired by who? Surely our desired areas must be okay? What about the areas that are hideously misshapen and not desired by anyone, aren't those the bits we're worried about? I do wish they'd be clear about these things.