My mouth doesn't fit.
No seriously, it doesn't. It fit all right up until 1 December last year, which is when we went away. Somewhere during the night of 1/2 December, it all went a bit pearshaped. Not actually pearshaped, really, just not mouthshaped. At least...
It's the tongue that screwed it all up, I think. By the time we arrived in Joburg, my tongue had completely ceased to fit in my mouth. When not talking or eating, I had the option of (a) biting the sides of my tongue, or (b) biting the sides of my mouth. Somehow my mouth/tongue combination had completely forgotten how to cohabit as they used to do. I put this down to spending 40 hours awake and much of that in the air; either my tongue had swelled or I had taken to grinding my teeth while no-really-asleep on the plane, causing lingering discomfort, or some such. I have no idea. No, it doesn't make sense.
Anyway, so I thought/hoped/assumed that after a night or two, the effects would wear off and I'd be able to happily* forget about my tongue again, as I used to. This didn't really happen. By the time I arrived back in London, the tongue was okay (it really did take that long; must definitely be a flight-related thing?) — but my jaw no longer fits.
Stop looking at me like that. It's TRUE. You wouldn't find it so funny if you were in my shoes.
Truth is, my jaw has never fit. My bite doesn't match, as the fearsome dentist Doc Vader told me (trying to get me to sign up for a few years of braces hell, as if). I happily told her that I was aware of this, but it had never given me a moment's trouble. I was perfectly comfortable with my mismatched mouth.
But I'm not now. I'm quite uncomfortable with the sensation of, either having my teeth all matched up but my jaw jutting forward, or my jaw where it ought to be but hanging down awkwardly to stay out of the way of my conflicting back molars. And in fact, for the first week after our return, it wasn't just uncomfortable. It was downright painful. I couldn't seem to stop clenching. Ow.
So here I am, with my mismatched jaw, wondering why it is that I can't seem to remember how to live with it.
Sigh.
[insert witty closing here]
_____
* Nothing wrong with split infinitives, say I. Boldly going where better subeditors fear to tread. Mixing idioms, also.
5 comments:
As a current victim of dental problems myself, I feel your pain.
Though I must say, in that one picture of you I came across (http://www.omarphillips.net/scroob.jpg), you were holding your jaw in a way to make it appear as though you didn't have any teeth. So to know that you have them, in spite of them not matching up properly, is refreshing.
"...witty closing" - inadvertent pun? You'd prefer painless, yes?
I've had similar bouts where my tongue seemed to have suddenly outgrown its allotted space. Slight (apparent) change followed by more bite-induced swelling etc. And what can you do? Wear some kind of full-mouth bite guard 24/7? Arrgh!
Definitely comes up short in the fun department.
(I've been pretty much net-deprived for days, just now working my way to the Travel Guide posts. And beyond.)
I put up with a not-fitting jaw for years (dislocated it in a fall at high school), and avoided braces... now I've been forcibly persuaded into the braces and my jaw has started to fit, but I have mouth ulcers and achey moving teeth to contend with. Sorry, I know this doesn't help you - I'm just having a whiney morning. I'll go away now. Hope it all calms down.
hjauk: that spiky leverage tool dentists use to remove wisdom teeth.
Foo.
Not much fun.
You don't want to hear this, but you should probably go to the dentist and have him/her check your jaw.
The reason for part of your problem may in fact be something going on with one of your molars. I.E., you could have an infection back there that's causing some extra pressure, shifting your teeth ever-so-slightly forward.
Yeah, I know: I have a lovely imagination!
Whatever the cause, I hope it goes away soon and you resume normal, comfortable jaw/teeth/tongue/cheek status. :)
Hm. Dentist. I fear being ordered to wear braces. Firstly, come on. I'm nearly 30. If I haven't needed 'em before, I don't need 'em now. Surely? Secondly, I can't figure out how moving my teeth around will actually help. Filing 'em down, or reshaping my jaw, maybe, but neither of those are an attractive option.
Anyway I'm sure it'll all be fine as soon as I remember how I used to manage it. *sulk*
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