By the way

It turns out that while Switzerland has indeed signed the Schengen treaty, it doesn't actually mean anything yet. Possibly because the population has not yet voted on it. Blast democracy.

So in order to take a little weekend trip to Hamburg, I have to:
Phone the German embassy's 090 appointment line, charged at £1 per minute.
Listen to the recording telling me veeerrrrry slloooowllyyy that:
This line is charged at £1 per minute, in order to cover the costs of processing visa applications.
I have to be calling from a touchtone phone. Please can I press 1 after the tone to confirm that I am using a touchtone phone.
I shouldn't call from a public payphone, because it's charged at £1 per minute.
If I am calling from an office phone, I should not continue the call, because the switchboard can interfere with their systems.
Okay. Now. I can proceed to book an appointment, if I'm quite ready. I can't go to the consulate without an appointment. I have to book an appointment using this hotline. After I book the appointment, I must not disconnect the call before I am told to do so, or my appointment will not be confirmed and I will not get my confirmation letter and no one is allowed into the consulate without their appointment confirmation letter.
I can now book my appointment. Do I have all the information I need? I must be ready to give my name and full address, as well as my passport number*.
If I have all this information I can book the appointment.

etc etc.

Of course there is a protracted bit of bumf at the end, which apparently I have to listen to or risk repeating the entire exercise, telling me all sorts of things that I probably already know - having found the information in the same place that I found this telephone number - including an alternative telephone number to call to book an appointment in cases of extreme urgency only. Why anyone would call the other number after they've already been through this one, I can't imagine. A bit late, I would have thought.

The same procedure applies with any other EU embassy. This disservice is operated by a private company, which splits the earnings from the phone calls with the embassies. I can't for the life of me understand why you can't book the appointment online, and pay an extra couple of quid included in the visa fee, to cover the costs of processing. I think I detect the hand of Crowley.

I now have to try to confirm whether Switzerland is at least an EEA member, for the purposes of Schengen**. If it is, I don't have to make a hotel booking, which I will later cancel, or provide proof of funds and proof of employment. Not that any of this is such a big deal. It's just a big pain.

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* I'm convinced that they deliberately bury this little nugget of information halfway through the recording in hopes that a lot of callers will curse, hang up, run away to rummage through drawers until they find their passport, return and call again. Thus earning the telephone service a few extra quid.
** Postscript: apparently it's not. I'm pretty sure it will be treated as if it were, but it's not. So I have to cover my ass by collecting all the bits of paper, although almost certainly, none of them will be needed.