Absolutely the last post on weeds ever, I promise
Consider how strange and wonderful it is, the sense of communion with Mother Nature that can ensue from RIPPING her bastard children the hell OUT.
You have to be gentle, almost loving. You have to carefully ease the weeds out of the ground - not yank them roughly, or they will break, and return with anger in their hearts. You have to treat them tenderly, learn how they like to be touched. Then pile them up and burn them*.
You don't get that kind of satisfaction from swatting flies.
One more thing while I've got the last-weed-post-ever window open. According to the instructions that came with our new composter, we can stick weeds in it, because they will safely break down - "but not pernicious weeds", because they're, well, pernicious, and will grow. Now really. How am I supposed to tell the difference? Is pernicious not a pretty fair definition of weed to begin with? Who can tell me how I should decide whether a weed is safe for composting or not? And please don't talk to me about "well bindweed is okay but creeping buttercup is a little rascal", because we're not on first name terms, the weeds and I. We have not been formally introduced. That spiritual communion I described takes place on a Sacred Whore kind of footing: you Weed, me Gardener. So just tell me what general principles I should operate on, if you can. Wriggly roots versus lumpy, that sort of thing.
_____
* Not really, alas. No bonfires allowed. Clean Air Act. [sigh]
6 comments:
I share both your hatred for weeds and your inability to determine which weeds are pernicious. I'd skip putting any weeds in the composter, myself.
But I'm no gardener. I only care about lawn weeds, which can be easily killed with a broadcast spreader and a selective herbicide.
Best of luck to you.
Omar: as it happens, the lawn weeds I am ignoring completely. So long as they stay flat, they don't bug me. My only gripe is with the big ugly prickly stingy monsters that try to attack from all corners. They are going DOWN.
Gersh: I hadn't seen that, but now I want one. Swatting with sound effects! Marvellous.
It pains me to hear someone say they are ignoring lawn weeds.
Still, it could be worse, eh, Omar? I could have admitted to my role in the Vole Protection League.
Adam: *all* our weeds are dead 'ard. Truly, they are scary beasts. So even when I catch 'em young, before they've quite managed to get massive roots going, I don't trust 'em. Give them half a chance - languishing in the compost, say - and they'll double in size every day. I'm sure of it.
I wish I lived in a state where 1-bedroom slums were less than a million dollars so that I could have at least a 5-inch square patch of lawn and thus participate in this discussion....
I know, Glo. I am utterly astonished that we actually have a garden at all - never mind one big enough for two tables, two or three large flowerbeds, a clothes dryer, a barbecue and some empty space. It's bizarre. And proof of the vast difference in London prices between different areas - in our case, we're cheek by jowl with two very smart areas indeed, but not quite in either of them. So the neighbourhood is cheap. And, it must be said, not very interesting. But still - space! Garden! Astonishing.
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