Let the love wars begin

Those sick, sick military minds.

I just read in New Scientist that declassified US documents reveal plans for a number of chemical weapons that would, for instance, make victims' - er, enemy combatants' - skin unbearably sensitive to sunlight. Or - for instance - release an aphrodisiac, making enemy combatants strongly sexually attracted to each other, in a 'distasteful but non-lethal' blow to morale. ('Ew! You're gay! Oh no, so am I! Ew! How can we fight those strong, manly US soldiers when we are unable to fight the evil within us?' ... or something.)

Which raises so many questions. Like, have they not read about the Greek theory that soldiers actually fought better alongside the men they loved? Sorry, stupid question, we're talking about army types here aren't we, and American army types at that. Don't read. Never mind. Next question: how sex-obsessed are these guys to even think of this? Wait, again, army types, never mind.

Next question. And this one really is my favourite. If they had the capability to do this - if they actually thought they could produce chemicals to create an overpowering sexual attraction - why the hell didn't they bottle the stuff and sell it to perfume manufacturers? I'm sure the profits would keep the defence department going for decades and release the taxpayer of a mighty burden.

[wails of laughter]

Ha ha, no, sorry [wipes eyes] ... that really is a hell freezing over scenario, isn't it. Army sucking less money from the state. What a picture. [wheeze]