Resolution? Revolution!

In recent years my new year's resolution making evolved from the standard promise-everything-do-nothing formula, via a carefully structured (but still ultimately useless) month-by-month Life Improvement Plan, to adjustable Goals for the Year (revised on a monthly basis). This last system had the advantage, I found, that by year-end it looked a lot as though I had achieved all my goals - largely as a result of having revised them downwards bit by bit. Never mind. It's a system, and I'm continuing with it. (My list of goals is rather shorter this year.)

However, it has occurred to me that goals are all very well, but resolutions are more fun, creating the intoxicating image as they do of a New Improved Scrivener to hold in mind's eye. Forget realism. I'm reintroducing proper fantasy resolutions to my life.

Resolution # 1: I will Not Be Sick. Frankly, I spent enough time snuffling in bed last year to tide me over for the rest of the decade. Henceforth sickness will not be tolerated, sign of weakness that it is; I will quell any nasty bugs with large amounts of over-the-counter drugs and sheer force of will. Don't laugh when you see me wandering the city redeyed and rednosed, brandishing echinacea bottles and mansized tissues, shouting 'We will nevah, nevah surrender!' Or I'll sneeze on you.

Resolution # 2: I will be Glamorous. I will never appear in public without properly filed and buffed nails, polished boots, ironed blouse and smooth, squeaky clean hair. I will maintain an iridescent shimmer, a glow of barely there make-up between me and the world. I will wear stockings, not pantihose, because what's underneath counts. I will wear a mysterious smile and speak in genteel, low tones, pleasing to the ear. I will endeavour to uphold at all times the ideals of Forties Femininininininity (sorry, got a bit carried away there). Why? Because it looked good in Malena. Even if she did come to a bad end.

Also, glamorous people don't eat, it doesn't look nice. They just sip cocktails and smoke. I don't smoke, however, so I'm hoping nibbling on expensive dark chocolates will be an acceptable substitute.

Resolution # 3: yet to be decided. All suggestions will be given due consideration.