I'm a woman. I have needs.

And according to Google, Fount of all Wisdom, this is what Scroobious needs*:

Scroobious needs to create systems for dealing with clutter.
VERDICT: True. Small flat. Too much stuff. Too much mess. Horrid. However, while I keep inventing clutter-management systems, none of them have yet worked.

Scroobious needs her fans' support!
VERDICT: But of course. Why else would I be blogging? Ego satisfaction. Obviously.

Scroobious needs to be taught a lesson - luckily for her it's the kind of dirty tutorial that she enjoys.
VERDICT: Wha? Who's writing this stuff? The cheeky...

Scroobious needs advice on covering her boiler.
VERDICT: False. Boiler was never that great in the original, I think a remake would be ridiculous.

Scroobious needs this treatment to stay alive.
VERDICT: True. If by "treatment" you mean "good Swiss chocolate, regular massage and her fans' support".

Scroobious needs to feel What is Above.
VERDICT: Hang on, does this have anything to do with that "dirty tutorial"...?

Scroobious needs all the help she can get.
VERDICT: True, alas. But good help is just so hard to find these days.

Scroobious needs it spelled out that she's dumped.
VERDICT: It's not true! I haven't been dumped! No! No! No!

Scroobious needs to make an album that rocks.
VERDICT: True. That boiler song was really scraping the barrel.

Scroobious needs to work on tolerance and understanding.
VERDICT: False. I am very tolerant and understanding, unless you're just plain wrong.

And finally, to sum up:

Scroobious needs more by way of a biography than these brief words.
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* Obviously, I used my real life name. Not a lot of Scroobii out there.