I have the Power. Fat lot of use it is.

You may not know this, but I have very significant magical talents. Untrained as I am, however, these talents manifest themselves in subtle and surprising ways. Some of my magical abilities - such as the ability to make a whole chocolate cake vanish without a trace, or to create a beautiful garment from nothing but a piece of string - will be familiar to you. You may even share them. But there are others, and as my secret magic leaks out with increasing frequency, I am in a quandary.

The two clearest signs of my talents are these: first, the Power of the Lift. I hardly ever have to actually press a button to call a lift. The moment I enter a building, I hear that soft chime and the doors open to welcome me as I cross the lobby. Not the world's most useful power, I admit, but an undoubted Sign.

Second - and far more useful, though sadly unreliable - is the Recurring Fiver. I came to notice, some time ago, that when I spent the last five pound note in my wallet, it returned secretly. Next time I opened my wallet, there it was. This happened quite a few times over the course of a month or so, but sadly, I made the mistake of telling people about it and it was lost. (Which is why I'm safe in revealing myself now: this talent is already lost, and the lift talent is frankly not that exciting. Do not imagine that I am giving away all my secrets. I may be keeping something back...)

Be that as it may. Magical talent is clearly a dangerous thing in the hands of an untutored adept such as myself. I need discipline. I need training. I need to harness the mystical powers and bring back that recurring fiver; in fact let's make it an escalating fiver, tenner, twentyer...

So if anybody knows of a powerful sorceror looking for an apprentice, drop me a line. I promise not to bewitch the broom.