Dear Boss

I think I’ve given you pretty good service over the past few years. You might remember saying once that I was “the best hire you ever made”; I hope you haven’t changed your mind. I’d like to remind you that since my arrival on the subs desk, press day has by all accounts become much calmer and smoother; you haven’t yelled at the news editor in ages. Probably that’s because he left, and it’s impossible to yell at his adorable replacement – by the way, could we get her desk moved to a dark corner somewhere? She’s making me jealous – I mean, distracting the male reporters - but never mind.

You know I’m always in punctually, or at least before you. I covered for you when you had to get your hair cut before that hot date the other week. I bring cookies. I haven’t had a sick day in, ooh, months. You pay me for three days a week, but you get as much work out of me as you ever did in five – wait, never mind, forget I said that. Anyway, I have a great rack, thus improving the aesthetic value of our office and improving morale. At least among the men. Since you’re among them, I’m sure you appreciate the importance of that.

So here’s the thing. You won’t mind if I take the rest of the week off, will you? I mean, I’ll still be here, improving morale and all the rest of it. It’s just that I won’t actually be getting any work done. Not since I found the bugs*.

Look, you gave me internet access, what did you expect to happen? Go bug the production editor. He’s on eBay again.

Sincerely,
Scroobious

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* I found it on Little Red Boat, by the way, but do you mind if we don't talk about blogging on work time? Thanks. 'preciate it.